I stumbled upon a perfectly reasonable and intelligent article at Huffington Post, basically begging people to leave off their judgemental ramblings and conjecture about the parenting skills of the victims of the so-called “Batman Massacre” in Aurora, Colorado last Friday. The article was rational, well-intentioned and well-written. I had no problem at all with Lisa Belkin’s article ( http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/aurora-shootings_b_1692186.html )
Oh, but I know. Oh, yes. I heard you. I get it. You are SOOOO much better than everyone else. You’d never take your 6 year-old to a Batman movie? You would never be so irresponsible as to rail against the ancient ideal of up at sunrise, bed after news? Really? Oh, you would NEVER let your 18 year-old venture out after dark? You would never, EVER, stoop so low as to be excited about something so blase as a film? YOU would never be swayed so much by marketing and capitalist PR men and commercialism? Is that a Tag Heuer watch? It is beautiful. How much did you pay for… Oh, right. How was Puerto Vallarta this year? Those new Nikes are sick! Oh, what’s that? You would never deign to sit your golden ass down in a theatre seat and PAY to watch something as ridiculous as a comic-book movie? You. Are. So. Wow. Tell me more about how incredibly perfect you are. Tell me how there’s no toilet paper in your world, how pure liquid candy – sterile, tangy and delicious – flows from your divine a-hole when you do your 1200 crunches every morning. Tell us all how absolutely infallible you are, and how every minute of your life has followed exactly to your unquestionable plan. Tell us how your children were born as fully-functioning members of society, how your wife has the ass of a Greek Goddess. Tell us how your car gets 3 miles to the gallon, but it’s OK because you take your bottles back religiously.You know what? GOOD FOR YOU. Praise your balls. Thank sweet perfect irreplacable YOU that you were here to set us straight. Now, spew some more bullshit while we watch them take that kid out on a bloody stretcher. ‘Cuz I bet she hasn’t heard your wonderful stories yet…
GOOD FOR YOU. And FUCK YOU.You people disgust me. Show some tact. Show some respect. Above all, show some fucking humanity – you lousy, self-involved, pretentious and thoroughly useless bags of excrement.
And before you reload your little marble bag of stoney stoning stones, allow me to explain myself once more:
1) I don’t care if any of you fuckwits, or anyone else, ever reads this. I am ranting to vent my organs of the foul, putrescent and necrotizing filth that has assailed me while trying to navigate through this world the best that I know how.
2) I’m being judgemental? Really? REAAAAALLLLY? Glass houses motherfucker. You moved in first, and your arguments hold no philosophical, intellectual or moral water beyond that which you pissed into that shot-glass you call your soul.
3) People were murdered. Horribly. While trying to see a damned movie. If you seriously have nothing better to do than clog up the webiverse with your hate and derision and ignorance… I pity you. I truly do. Most places on this lovely orb of ours had a lovely day today, and we don’t have an infinite supply of THOSE. Take your head out of your ass and take your kids to the park, or go and be of service to the world that tolerates your specious, foul and parasitic ass.
4)Hey, assholes? Have a nice day. You don’t deserve it, by any means, but I hope you have one, nonetheless.
5) I am not a religious man, per se, but every ounce of my humanity reaches out to the people who have survived this tale. Bless you. In all ways. I pray that this world show you no other hardship. You have seen and heard and suffered enough. All that any single person on this earth should say to you right now is “I AM SO SORRY. YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS. YOU HAVE MY HEART.”
Here endeth the rant.