I have oft been described as a lover of coffee. It is true, I have a deep and abiding visceral yearning for the dark nectar of the old gods, rivaling even such Caffe luminaries as Bach, Beethoven, Tom Waits, Hudson Hawk, Napoleon, Balzac, David Lynch, Bill Murray, my beloved Voltaire, Walter Sobchak and even the eternal hero, Agent Dale Cooper…

In fact, just this morning, my wife called me the ‘Keith Richards’ of coffee drinkers – to which I retorted “Keith Richards is a son of a two-balled bitch”. If anything, I am the Hunter Thompson of the Caffeine Addict crowd. I once ate the grounds out of the coffee filter when the water was out. THAT is need. THAT is pure, exquisite lust. THAT is dedication to the ambrosia that is the Devil’s Brew. My stories usually feature a more-than-believable amount of coffee. Moss Cole, hero of Hot Sinatra only ever pines for a nice, hot cup of lava… and the girl who wins his heart? Does it with a machiatto before lips are locked, or loins revealed.

Today is “International Coffee Day”! What did I do to celebrate, you may well ask? Woke up late, drank a cup of coffee, took a tall one with me when I left 20 minutes later… Hit up three different 7-11’s for their free coffee day… Starbucks for a little Pumpkin Spice Latte… then I came to my place of bidness, brewed up a pot and let it all go down like Courtney Love on a fleet of unsuspecting longshoremen. Most recent estimates put it my input at well over a gallon of liquid heaven in under 3 hours. Suffice it to say, I am now operating on a level equivalent to some ungodly pastiche of these two maniacs:

Now, by way of apology for making you watch that (and to keep things classed up around here), I point you to the majestic words of the great Honore de Balzac “The pleasures and pains of coffee”

And I say unto thee – DRINK MORE COFFEE –

umm… heart palpatations just mean I’m excited, right… I mean it’s not like I dra…