Category Archives: Writing

Baseball and Big Toots Requiem

Here’s what I’ve been working on today. I scrawled the original story down in a notebook about 4 years ago, and I’ve decided to polish it up, since the season just started and I’ve yet to do a baseball story. Which is weird, being that my shelves are teeming with books on baseball, a pretty much complete set of W.P. Kinsella (one of my top 5), and all the classics from The Natural to Eight Men Out.

“The mild morning haze had burned off with the workday traffic. The lunch hour came and went, ushering in a hellish heatwave that was supposed to last for weeks. The city already seemed lousy with misery and discomfort. The pavement held the shimmer of fever like a creek of pure hell. You could easily imagine your shoes melting to the sidewalk as the heavy weight of a red-hot afternoon smothered you down. The sky was a cool, clear blue, belying the anger of the sun, probably why so many people chose the hollow respite of the ballpark. Lay back, high in the stands, under the shelter of the overhanging “roof”, and you could well forget for a half hour that your car seats were turning to molten lava and your air conditioner had offered itself up in sacrifice to the Gods of Summer. You’d be wrong, but how often does that matter? If being human means anything, it’s the ability to delude ourselves in a vain attempt to avoid pain or death. Fact is, the small stadium held the heat in, pulling it together, concentrating it like a convection oven. Damp sweat and the stench of fryer grease pressing down in an invisible pea-soup fog, and stealing the breath of the few straggling fans littering the stands.

 

Joseph ‘Big Toots’ Fortulla was sweating like a Tuscan boar in the ravages of an August drought. As Toots picked his way down the metal stands, he saw bare arms, sweaty necks, and sunburnt legs propped up and draped over seats, poking out of all manner of khaki, denim and tropical print shorts. Every man, woman and child looking as if they’d dropped into those seats from pure exhaustion. Toots could feel their eyes on him as he passed. He was a curious sight. Toots was remarkable, and widely known, for three things – his violent temper, his questionable business practices, and for always being clad in a perfectly tailored, double-breasted pinstripe suit in the darkest midnight blue that had ever been put to wool.”

Big Toots Requiem by Axel Howerton

Happy “Bad Poetry on Facebook” Day!

 

Happy Bad Poetry on Facebook Day!

“Shall I compare you bitches to a fuckin’ summah?”

 

 
Free Rain

You are the heavenly rain
Magic and free
The dew I feel upon my face is Life
Splashing down like the urine of the Gods
Falling free like rain
Falling into my cup of freedom
I drink deep of yourmagic
Of your magic soul
Of your magic spirit spring
You scream forgiveness
Through your magic trumpet of lies
Begging me for less magic
More realsies
Begging me in blood
Darkness and blood
And blood that is dark
Like dark darkness
I accept the charges
Maybe a nominal fee for handling
No extra fees for recycling the magic
Though you will pay for cleaning up the blood.
You will pay
IN BLOOD!
While I remain
longing for my heart to be whole again
Where you left a magic dripping hole of bloody darkness
You bitch.

Now, in the name of Bill Shakeswhatevs… get out there and butcher some iambic pentameter! Bad Poetry on Facebook Day!

Same Six Questions ft Axel Howerton!

Check it! The Same Six Questions with Axel Howerton!

Andy Rane’s awesome series of author interviews continues with… ME!

http://andyrane.blogspot.ca/2012/04/same-six-questions-axel-howerton.html

Find out all about Hot Sinatra, “creamy white breasts”, and why James Joyce is on my doorstep…

Admit it. I had you at “creamy white breasts”.

GO SOX! And don’t forget, new dadgum spooky story up on FIRES ON THE PLAIN tomorrow!