Ever wish you were chemically altered by everyday cleaning products? Imbued with awesome superhuman powers? Saddled with mental derangement and a pervy sidekick with a huge rubber dong on his forehead? THEN THIS IS THE FLICK FOR YOU!!!

Defective Man!: The You Can’t Illegally Download it on Torrent Sites Yet Cut (2009)

Directed by: D. Ryan Mowry

Written by: D. Ryan Mowry, Stephen W. Eckles

Starring: Paul Alsing, Arturo Negro, Stephen W. Eckles, Josh Saavedra, Haylee Nelson & Trent Haaga

DEFECTIVE MAN! is the most recent über-lo-budget action comedy from the New Mexico climes that have brought us such nouveaux cult classics as GIMME SKELTER, NECROVILLE, STINK OF FLESH and COLLECTING ROOFTOPS. Writer/Director D. Ryan Mowry’s Z-grade non-superhero epic is profane, juvenile and full of sexual innuendo and big boobs… and in all the best ways. It’s a pastiche of 80’s sex comedies and early Troma-style video flicks with the shits n’ giggles humor of early Kevin Smith and the camp sensibilities of John Waters.

 

The basic premise is that some vague ‘industrial accident’ causes a couple of mild-mannered office drones to become mildly-deranged, self-professed superheroes Defective Man and Horn Dog. Defective Man is a portly dude, bubbling with charisma, whose only powers seem to be his complete belief in his own persona, and his staccato speech patterns. Horn Dog is a foul-mouthed boyish wonder who wears a Luchadore mask adorned with a forehead wang and carries an arsenal of sex toy weapons ( he also continually calls his mother an asshole and brags about his sexual dynamism). When this deluded duo is forced into paid retirement over the numerous sexual harassment complaints leveled against them, they embark on a new career as crime fighters for hire. Defective Man soon recruits Captain Orange Piss (who uses his incredibly powerful neon orange urine as a force for good) and Bill Gill, who is basically the gill man in a rumpled suit who speaks an unintelligible language made up of 4 letter words ending in ‘-ill’.

These not-so intrepid crimefighters embark on a series of misadventures while slowly uncovering a plot to destroy their city by Defective Man’s evil ex-girlfriend, Hevvy Flo, and her goofy manservant, a cut-rate motivational speaker named Ronny Tobins.

The result is kind of like the 3 Stooges meet the PMS Avenger, with a liberal dose of breasteses and bodily function humor. The production values are minimal, and the peripheral acting is decidedly of the ‘friends and neighbors’ variety, but all of that adds to the charm and personality of the film. Mowry and Eckles have written a script full of trash-talk, guy humor and geek speak, but it hits every one of those notes at the right time and in perfectly measured quantities. Veteran B-movie actor Trent Haaga delivers the goods as usual, making Ronny Tobins a twisted dimwit lampoon of Tom Cruise’s Frank T.J. Mackey character from MAGNOLIA. Also added to the mix are cameos from Elske McCain, the always hilarious Billy Garberina (as the ‘President of New Mexico’) and good ol’ Lloyd Kaufman.

The main cast is highlighted by Paul Alsing’s dedicated oddball performance as Defective Man and co-writer Eckles as Captain Orange-Piss, who plays as something half New Orleans Riverboat Cap’n and half used-RV salesman. Arturo Negro has a few hilarious moments, including one fighting nuns on a rooftop and one beating down New Mexican Terminator Kurly Tlapoyawa with a rubber dong.

Long story short, kids? If you’re a fan of this kind of humor, love catchy dialogue, cheap laughs and big ol’ titties, and if you can find it at a fest near you (I was sent a pre-release, ‘can’t even get it on torrent sites yet’ cut)… this is a sure-fire good time. Less disgusting than a Chris Seaver flick and more satisfying than most recent Kevin Smith, and at a fraction of the price. DEFECTIVE MAN and his crew are here to fight for your right to silly, crude and hilarious filmic fun.

Now watch the footage below and seek out this magnificently ludicrous and fucking amazing indie comedy at a Fest near you (it recently premiered at TromaDance NM), or follow DEFECTIVE MAN! on the links after the jump:

DEFECTIVE MAN! owns  imdb,

DEFECTIVE MAN! has many friends on the MySpace

DEFECTIVE MAN! is addicted to the Facebook

DEFECTIVE MAN! watches YouTube

DEFECTIVE MAN! also has his own website!