Where to begin?

Have I led the Life DeLuxe?


I have had a few missteps, a few wild nights and a few spells of good old fashioned self-destructive behaviour. Sitting here, just past the cusp of my third decade, it occurs to me that I know nothing of myself. I see the outward appearance, as everyone else does – funny guy, film freak, wannabe writer, with a hotblooded and loving wife, a most amazing genius of a son, etc. etc. What I want to know is why I still feel like there is something missing, something jabbing at me from behind, and leaving me impotent to do anything but submit to the undertow of mediocrity.

I work a superflous middle management job for a ridiculous and unappealing company. I’ve lost my interest in Film, Art and Poetry. I have no inspiration to write, and I have no energy to really live. I take great pleasure in being with my wife, supporting her creativity, and helping in her endeavors. I love my son more than life itself, and am elated for the 3 or 4 hours a day I can spend with him.

The problem is me.

I am unhappy, unfulfilled and uninspired. I need to change something, and I have no idea what that is. Nosce te ipsum – Know thyself. That is my goal and my mission. For as long as I can recall, I have used my critical and intuitive senses to observe and analyze others. Now I turn the eye inward to spy out the reason for my discord with the universe.

This is my good eye.


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